I don't know if it's an Asian thing or a Vietnamese thing or it's just my parents. And I wouldn't have ever realised this on my own because I was raised this way. It wasn't until my ex-boyfriend pointed it out to me that I realised that maybe he was right. My parents taught me to not fight for my beliefs.
Ever since I could remember, when my brothers and I were being lectured by my parents, we were never given an opportunity to speak up. There were so many incidents of being accused of something we didn't do and if we even tried to open our mouths to defend ourselves, to give our opinion on a matter, we were shut down and called, 'disrespectful children'. But we weren't disrespecting them, we were merely trying to defend our beliefs.
Somewhere in these 20 years, I gave up trying to make them understand. I learnt that the quickest and least painful method with dealing with these situations was to merely stand quietly and let their anger wash over me. But it's so wrong. It's so wrong.
This morning, I watched as my step-father discipline my youngest brother. He was lecturing my brother about watching tv and playing at the park. He said that all my brother does all day is play around. That's not true. I make sure that this is not true. Everyday, I make sure he does his homework, reads for at least 30 minutes and does writing exercises (we're working on his handwriting). My step-father works from afternoon til night so he is never home after school on weekdays. I know he works hard to provide for our family. He cares for our education and future. But it's not only my step-father, my mother also doesn't like my brother playing outside after school.
There is nothing wrong with playing outside with friends after school. Education is vitally important, we all understand this but what my parents don't understand is that we're not robots. We have feelings and emotions. And they're being neglected. My parents aren't bad parents. They do a wonderful job of ensuring our future but being good parents means listening to your children. Because children have opinions that matter too.
My brother couldn't defend himself. He tried to speak up and tell his father that he does pay attention to his education but all his sentences were being cut off. And I couldn't defend him either. The last time I questioned my parents' disciplining, I was almost thrown out of the family. We were taught to never question authority because apparently they're always right and we're always wrong.
That's not true. That cannot be right. That is not what parents should be telling their children. Parents should not teach children to be defenceless against others. If we can't even defend our beliefs inside the safety of our own home, how could we possibly fight for our beliefs in the bigger world?
Since I began blogging I've been talking mostly with twenty-somethings. And now that I'm older I can look back and realize that people in their teens and twenties do have a lot to say, and need a voice. I dare say they're as aware of world events or more so than adults are.
ReplyDeleteI agree that kids should respect their parents and authority in general. But speaking up isn't always disrespectful. Young people need to be able to express their opinions. They won't always be right, but if there's no dialogue there will be no growth.
I hope you'll always stick to your beliefs. The time will soon come when you're more free to speak out without being silenced. And although you can't express them in your home you're completely free to do it here. :)